OHHH BABY!!!!

I can't imagine a better Valentine's Day gift than knowing I'm going to be a mommy- again!! I can't quite wrap my mind or thoughts around it yet! A whole new life to bring into the world, to shepherd, to guide, to grow, and to give endless amounts of love to! I am so very, very excited! I'm also a tiny bit intimidated, but excitement and joy abounds! 

Tiny baby, you are 4 weeks along and due October 21st, 2023. I found out I was pregnant with you on Friday, February 10th about 6pm. We had a wonderful day of outings, organizing, shopping for Oakley's shower, and a trip to the pocket park so your big brother (Wow, first time saying/writing that out and it's giving me butterflies) could slide and play before bedtime. Daddy rode up/down the neighborhood street on his new bike and Chandler had the best time waving and giggling when he'd see him come by. When it started to get too cold, we started our little walk home. Daddy did some things in his office and I was watching Chandler play in the bathtub when I thought, hmmm I think it's early but 8 days post ovulation might be long enough for a pregnancy test to tell me if I'm pregnant or not. I had been having a few vague symptoms but also some very obvious ones, like fatigue, unsettled stomach feelings, etc. It's amazing to me how quickly it all happens! I used the restroom, dipped my test, and waited. When I looked at it, I just thought it was another negative test but a second look under the lights and I could see the very, very faintest shadow. My eyes must have been bigger than they've ever been before!! I looked, looked, re-looked, and looked again!! "That's positive," I whispered to myself! "Oh my gosh, there's something there!!" "That's just positive!" I knew it! I just knew it! But then comes a little doubt and the tests can be faulty so I didn't want to go crazy just yet because it was so very barely there that I knew it could also be the indent line for that part of the strip. Now, I had to be patient and wait!! I had a strong feeling though that the little shadow that I could only see in certain angles was the start of that big beautiful positive pregnancy test! I'd of-course keep testing but knew deep down that it would be a few days before the HCg rose enough to be easily detected on a test. In my heart, I knew though. I knew it! There was a day around February 6th-7th that I noticed I was just crampy. It crossed my mind that day that maybe I was inplanting a baby! I didn't want to get excited so I just kind of put it in the back of my mind but there was also no other reason I would have been crampy. It was painful but it was very noticable and a bit uncomfortable. It didn't let up or change for the majority of the day either. Then, and by far the biggest and most amazing sign, was from God. Daddy and I were together on Tuesday, January 31st at bedtime ;) and I woke up on Wednesday, February 1st to the daily Bible verse on the YouVersion Bible app that I read from Matthew 19:26, which reads "But Jesus looked at them and said, With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." This verse is the exact message from Jesus that carried me through infertility and was the repeating theme when I found out I was pregnant with Chandler. In fact, in Chandler's announcement video, I started the video off with that verse, the Mark version of it. When I looked at my Bible app that morning and saw that the daily verse was that scripture (both the version in Mark and Matthew mirror each other exactly as they are both books of the gospel that tell of Jesus and the good news) I was instantly gripped with the Holy Spirit in a very super natural moment. It was early, it was just me and Jesus, and I was gripped heavily with that verse and I knew immediately what He was telling me! I knew it more than I've ever known anything else. From that moment on, I would spend the next 10 days knowing deep down that I was pregnant and just waiting on confirmation, as if that verse wasn't enough. How amazing is that?!! I absolutely cannot wait to tell you that story, little baby! It was truly a beautiful time with the Lord. Interestingly enough, might I add, I always check ovulation and tracking, which I had been doing so I could see what my body was doing. My ovulation tests and according to the app I was using "PreMom" noted my LH peak on the 30th-31st, which would have meant, if going by the science, which we all know God is in charge of, that I would ovulate soon after and the sperm would have already needed to be in there before ovulation. Thinking we missed that window, I didn't think much of it! Well, here we are! So perhaps I had a long peak window which gave me extra time to have sperm available on the night of the 31st, before ovulation on the 1st or 2nd? God works in amazing ways and I am going to be a MOMMY AGAIN!!! Praise the Lord!! These are the best days ever!! 

February 11-13th: Reeling, of-course!! I'm taking a pregnancy test, sometimes two, a day and still waiting on the obvious pink line to show up! I haven't said a word to anyone and am just suffering in the waiting! I had clinical on the 11th, which helped pass some of the time and then afterward, headed to DFW to prepare for Bethany's baby shower. Brandon couldn't make the trip so Chandler and I went but it was just going to be for two nights and to celebrate Baby Oakley. Anxiety abounds and to have a little fun and support, I uploaded a test with the shadow line on the PreMom app to the community under the "line eyes" thread where women can vote if they agree or not that there's a positive line. I stayed anonymous but it was so much fun to see the votes being cast and made me feel like I wasn't keeping a secret or holding it inside! 71% said "yes, they see a very, very faint line while only 28% voted that it was an evaporation line! AHHH! More confirmation! Then, finally, finally, on February 12th at 8am, I got an obvious pink positive line. The joy that flooded me is more than I can explain. Now, I had to get through the next day and get home to Brandon to share the news! It was killing me! The shower was beautiful and being a part of the details really helped me pass the time and was a good distraction. Chandler and I left a little early because he had been such a tropper all day but was definitely yearning for a nap. In an effort to make sure he was distracting or getting too upset, we snuck out early and headed back to moms. He was asleep in minutes! I snuggled him up in my bed with the earth channel calming playing for white noise, and whispered to him "you're going to be a big brother!" My heart melted and I had finally told my first person. 

We left for Austin after breakfast on the 13th and got home in time to enjoy the evening with daddy. We were tired and all ready for an early bedtime. The boys got settled and I snuck out to Target to get some Valentine's goodies and balloons from Party City to make the big pregnancy announcement with tomorrow, which just happens to be VALENTINE'S DAY! It was a quick turn around but I couldn't let Valentine's Day pass without telling Brandon. I mean, what a wonderful day to share the news of our new baby coming!! 

February 14th, 2023! HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! I stayed up the night before setting up a Valentine's Day gift station for the boys completed with individual gifts, big pretty balloons, and candy. I was nervous as could be and also very excited! I got up before them and waited. Chandler started stirring and then shortly after, Brandon did. Chandler went straight to the gifts and shouted "baaaluuun, baaluuun" and was all smiles. Brandon gave a very big "ohh" followed by a "oooooohhhh this is all for him, huh?" (With a disappointed tone). Nope, I said! It's for both of you, there are two gifts there! Happy smiles again, ha! Chandler was excited to play with the balloons and open his new Toni and candy. Brandon, silly enough, made his coffee and then proceeded to do the dishes! Oh my gosh, I thought! The dishes? You want to do the dishes now? Ugh! But I couldn't be too obvious that I wanted him to open his present so I just played along. After a few minutes when the dishes were done and coffee was in hand, I asked "are you going to open your Valentine's Present?" He said "sure" and got his gift sack. I was sitting with Chandler playing balloons and staring straight at Brandon, heart racing!! He pulled out the precious little sage green newborn onesie and held it high. Confused, he gave a questioning look at it for what seemed like minutes, but I'm sure was about 5 seconds. I was holding my breath! He looked at Chandler, looked back at the onesie, look confused, and then you could see the eyebrow raise signaling the fact that he got it! He looked at me and said "Ohhhh, are you pregnant?!" I nodded a subtle nod with eyes big and said "yes!" He said smiling "Ohhhh, no way!" I was smiling and said "well that's what the 6 pregnancy tests tell me, ha!" He giggled and said "okay, oh shit!" followed with a big hug and kiss! We were in awe and moderately surprised! Not shocked, but surprised! I was so happy that he knew and I didn't feel like I was keeping a secret from him. We had a wonderful morning together letting reality set in and then he had to go out for a few appointments. Little baby, you are so loved and so wanted. We are so excited for you! We struggled so hard and so long for Chandler so this is definitely a joyful miracle! It happened so easily this time. We are surprised, amazed, nervous, excited, thankful, grateful, relieved, and everything in between! I am so thankful that I didn't have to struggle and suffer to conceive you, and I also am aware that this is the last positive pregnancy test experience I'll have! Bittersweet in a way, definitely, but also so thankful that this is the way God planned you!